Post by Elizabeth: Parenting Styles: Authoritative, Coercive, and Permissive

Your child just came home and asked to attend a party where there will likely be alcohol and minimal parental supervision.

Would you:

A.    Ground them for even thinking about attending and then forcefully tell them they are most certainly not going to attend the part, because you said so

B.    Discuss it with them and try to understand why a party of that nature would be important to them

C.    Give them money, so they have plenty to drink for the evening

Above are possible reactions to the situation based on Baumrind’s parenting styles. The style is the overarching emotional climate of the parent-child relationship based on a history of their interactions. The level of expectations of the parents combined with the warmth and nurturing given to each child gives an idea of the type of parenting style. If you are familiar at all with the different styles, quiz yourself and see if you can guess which answer is which type of style. If you don’t know, I’ll explain it below.

Answer A is most similar to a reaction of an authoritarian or coercive parent. This parenting style is linked with hostility and control. This parent did not take the time to listen to their child’s explanation, nor would they likely care in this instance. The parent is more focused on controlling the child than teaching them how to make appropriate autonomous decisions (Baumrind, 1991). Their expectations for their children are high, but they tend to be less willing to help them reach those expectations by showing warmth and support (Baumrind, 1991). Common practices within this style include psychological control, love withdrawal, and power assertion.

Psychological control is controlling the thoughts, feelings, and emotions of the child which consequently allows them to have control over their actions. This is used more often with teenagers, because the parent can no longer control the child through physical means such as spanking or placing in time-out. Love withdrawal is a form of psychological control, but it is the parent’s refuses love for their child by ignoring them or giving them the silent treatment. Love withdrawal is never a good thing for a child, because this type of behavior promotes shame. Guilt promotes change, because the child recognizes their behavior was inappropriate, while shame communicates to the child that they are a bad person. The child’s self-esteem is likely to fluctuate based on their successes (whether it be in school, sports, etc.), because of the approval they will receive from their parent(s). One important distinction to make is that time-outs are different from love withdrawal. Time-outs give the child time to calm down, and the parent is still likely communicating their love to them through discussion afterwards. Time-outs often utilize induction, which allows the child to think about their actions and the consequences. Induction is used more in authoritative parenting, which will be discussed shortly.

Power assertion is a dominant practice that parents use to discipline or control their children. Examples include yelling or grounding. While these are appropriate responses depending on the child’s behavior, regular use can be damaging to the child’s development. Children of authoritarian parents often are more aggressive, less socially competent, and have higher levels of anxiety and depression. The best example I can use to illustrate this form of parenting is the book, Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother by Amy Chua. She discusses her experiences as an coercive parent, because of cultural reasons as a Chinese mother. If you have never heard of it, it is definitely an interesting read.

Answer C is most similar to the reaction of a permissive or indulgent parent. Permissive parents are more likely to view the child as having similar rights to adults. These parents do not want to impose rules or restrictions on their children, and thus there are little expectations because they either feel that children’s development will be hindered or they want to be friends with their child instead of an authority figure (Baumrind, 1991). These parents are focused on building a positive relationship with their child. While these children have several positive outcomes including greater sociability, these children are more likely to be impulsive, have less academic success and less emotionally regulated. The example that came to my mind was Regina George’s mom from the movie Mean Girls.

            Answer B is most similar to the reaction of an authoritative parent. Authoritative parents use reasoning and induction and focus on teaching their children how to make good choices, rather than forcing them. These parents are warm, responsive, and sensitive to their children’s needs, but that is balanced with high expectations that they help them reach. They utilize induction to help the child internalize the values and behaviors that are in line with the family. According to Baumrind and numerous other scholars, authoritative parenting is linked to the best outcomes in children for European American families (Ballantine, 2001; Baumrind, 1991).

The Church has hinted that authoritative parenting is the most effective and research has supported this idea. When thought about deeper, it makes sense that the parenting styles are similar to our experiences with our Heavenly Father. He has high expectations, but He will always provide a way for us to accomplish what He has asked us to do (1 Nephi 3:7). The following video is from Elder Robert D. Hales, and he discusses touching the hearts of our children.

We need to listen to our children, and understand them in order to be effective parents. If we don’t listen to the “little things” when they are young, they won’t come to us with the “bigger things” when they are older. Parenting is challenging, but we are given many resources, especially inside the Church that will help us become the most effective parents that we can be. The parenting style that we utilize in our home will set the precedent for our relationship with our children for possibly eternity. Making small changes to allow for an environment in our home that is conducive to growth through high expectations met with sensitivity and warmth will provide our children with the skills they need to become successful adults.

References

Ballantine, J. (2001). Raising competent kids: The authoritative parenting style. Childhood

Education, 78, 46-47.

Baumrind, D. (1991). The influence of parenting style on adolescent competence and
            substance use. The Journal Of Early Adolescence, 11, 56-95.