Cute? Think again.
I have seen quite a
lot of young women who says they want a baby, without thinking much about
marriage. When they see a cute, adorable baby, they say “Awe, so cute! I want a
baby like that.” And when I ask them, “what about marriage?” they say, “Oh, I
don’t know. I haven’t thought much about it yet. I just want a cute baby of my
own.” As a mother of a child, I’m thinking in my mind, ‘yeah right, wait until
you have your own baby, and let’s see if you still can say that.’ Obviously they
have not seen the baby cry for hours, or changed diapers before.
A baby is nothing like
a pet. There are much more required than raising a pet, and rearing a baby, especially
an infant requires a lot of energy. Whether it is planned or unplanned, becoming
a parent is not an easy task and the transition to parenthood is not going to
be easy for most couples. When a couple becomes parents, they have to spend
much time taking care of the baby. Feeding, bathing, and changing diapers are
just a few things you have to do when the new baby arrives. It’s almost like a
full time job, except this one is 24/7. You just cannot take your eyes off of
the baby. When a couple starts living together, they make some adjustment in
time spending. It is different from being single. This means less personal time.
And when the baby comes you have to adjust your schedule again. Carrying the
baby around can be quite exhausting, and all other things you have to do for
the baby are energy consuming.
Jane Brooks, in her
book, ‘the process of parenting’ says new mothers and fathers have similar
complaints: (1) tiredness and exhaustion; (2) loss of sleep; (3) adjusting to
new responsibilities; (4) feeling inadequate as a parent; (6) feeling tied
down, and (7) worries regarding finances. So, it is a good idea to prepare for
the change even before the mother is pregnant. Brooks has some recommendations
to couples for easing the transition to parenthood. They are sharing expectations,
do regular checkups on how each is doing, talk to each other, negotiate an
agenda of important issues, try different solutions and make adjustments if
necessary, talk with other people, and find balance between your needs and the
baby’s needs. She adds to say ‘children grow best when parents maintain a
strong, positive relationship.’
I want to add a couple
more things to this list. Seek for help, if possible, from your parents.
Children grow up better when grandparents are involved (Janelle Harris, 2011). Exercise
with your spouse and increase your stamina. For the first couple months after
the delivery, you have to feed the baby every two to three hours, and this
takes a lot of energy, and you are more likely to fatigue due to insufficient
rest and sleep. I also want to stress the importance of communication with your
spouse. Because of the exhaustion, it is easy to get frustrated at each other,
but talking things over and doing regular checkups as Brooks suggested will
definitely help ease off these frustrations.
I think I made it
sound pretty scary for those who are expecting or planning to have a baby, but
for all means, it is worth it. No matter how hard it is, babies are cute, and
when you see them smile, it makes up for all the hardships.
What are your thoughts on having a baby? How
are you preparing for it?
References:
Brooks, Jane. (2011).
Becoming Parents, The Process of
Parenting, McGrawHill, 8th
edition: pp. 174-203.
Harris, Janell. (2011) kids grow up better when grandparents are involved. Retrieved August 3,
2012, from http://thestir.cafemom.com/big_kid/124632/kids_grow_up_better_when
I love how honest you were in writing this post. I feel like a lot of the women I know think that parenting is going to be all kicks and giggles, with minimal work. I also liked how you included the thought that involvement with grandparents is important to the child, and communication with your spouse is critical. Thanks for helping me see both sides!
ReplyDelete-Alexis
I have to admit, I'm one of those people that oohs and awes over babies--I guess you could say I've got the "baby munchies". But you are so right Young In, when it comes to the baby crying and all the messy diapers and late nights, I want marriage to be the rock I lean on.
ReplyDeleteP.S. You are a really good writer Young In. I really enjoyed reading your post. It drew me in with the first line. Good Job :)
--Melissa Walton
I totally agree with what she wrote. A baby is nothing like a pet! It takes a whole lot more time and energy rearing a baby than a pet. We need to treat babies just like we treat other people with same respect, even when it is hard to communicate with them.
ReplyDeleteYoung Soon Kim(Young In's sister)
I didn't know raising a kind required that much. When Young In asked me to read this blog post, I was a little bit reluctant, but after I read it, I had to sit back and think about how I was doing on raising our baby.
ReplyDeleteWooSung (Young In's husband)