Post by Skylar: 2-5 Year Olds

Terrible Twos. Just hearing the phrase makes some parents shiver from past temper tantrums.  The toddler and pre-school years have gotten such a bad rap over the past years. But really, are all 2-5 year olds that “terrible?” Can’t there be some that don’ fit this stereotype?

This is an age where they start to play with words, use their bodies for more vigorous play, interact with others without less fear, and use their imaginations like there is no reality. It is also an age where they start to test limits, won’t reason logically, fight back, push buttons, won’t eat food, and say no just because they can.

Much of the conflict between parent and child occurs during this age frame because we don’t take the time to understand how they are thinking. They don’t reason like adults, but they are figuring out how too. If we took more time to understand where they were coming from, much of the conflict wouldn’t seem pointless. It might not go away, but it could be easier to bear through.

In the early 2’s, children are just entering pre-operational thought according to Piaget’s theory of cognitive development (Wikipedia, 2012). They are still very egocentric and have a hard time taking the perspective of others. They are just beginning to understand that symbols have meaning. Because of this though, they don’t understand sarcasm or often don’t get jokes. We may be sarcastic with adults and not be offensive while still getting our meaning across. But children especially in this age group need to be spoken to directly. Tell them you love them directly; they have a hard time understanding your love through other actions at this point (Williams, 2008).

Ages 3-4 are much more inquisitive. They want to know the why behind thing. It is often these questions that parents laugh at because they have no idea how to explain why a dog can’t talk or why the sun shines. It’s best to be honest in your answers. Give a short explanation; their attention often won’t last longer (American Academy of Pediatrics, 2011). But being truthful in the beginning sets a good road to follow for the future.

They are testing they’re autonomy and will love to say “no” to anything. They probably actually want to do what you are telling them, despite what many parents may think. A simple technique to use to avoid some tantrums about making their own decisions is to provide options instead of an ultimatum. If you provide two types of vegetables at dinner and give them the option to choose, it often goes much better than forcing their choice.  

By age 5 their reasoning skills are increasing. They still don’t have the capability that adult’s reason at but are trying to develop it. You may have to continue picking your battles, but realizing they are maturing and recognizing it is helpful. Talking to them as a “big girl/boy” makes them feel special and they will gradually live up to it.

It’s difficult to find hard and fast rules to parent your child, although many of us wish there were. Each child is so individual and often reacts differently. The best answer to many questions is to get know your own child’s needs and temperament and cater to them accordingly.

Here are some reader friendly sources you can go to for more information:

http://www.pbs.org/parents/child-development/

http://www.healthychildren.org/English/ages-stages/Pages/default.aspx

References:

American Academy of Pediatrics. (2011). Cognitive development in pre-school children. Healthchildren.org. Retrieved from http://www.healthychildren.org/English/ages-stages/preschool/pages/Cognitive-Development-In-Preschool-Children.aspx

Piaget theory of cognitive development. (n.d.). In Wikipedia. Retrieved August 1, 2012, from http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Piaget%27s_theory_of_cognitive_development

Williams, J. (2008). Helping children cope with traumatic situations. Ensign. Retrieved from http://www.lds.org/ensign/2008/02/helping-children-cope-with-traumatic-situations?lang=eng&query=temper+tantrums