Post by Sarah W: Roles of Fathers and Mothers

One day, I decided to sit down and read The Family A Proclamation to the World in its entirety. After reading the part about the roles of fathers and mothers, I had one concluding thought, “I’m sure glad I was born a girl! I have it easy.” The Proclamation states: “By divine design, fathers are to preside over their families in love and righteousness and are responsible to provide the necessities of life and protection for their families. Mothers are primarily responsible for the nurture of their children.” Why are men responsible to preside, provide, and protect and women are only responsible for the nurture of their children? The Proclamation does clear this up partially when it says that husbands and wives are to help each other and work as equal partners; but to figure out the rest of the reasons why this is the case, we must delve further into the specific roles and unique contributions of mothers and fathers.

Let’s start with fathers. How many of us remember our fathers playing catch or working in the yard with us? Research shows that fathers physically play with their children more than mothers and this helps children to better read social cues and regulate emotions (Luster 2012). I know that my father has had great influence on how I am able to understand the people around me. He also helped me to regulate angry emotions I had towards peers growing up. Besides helping children to read social cues and regulate emotions, studies have shown that fathers have a “significant influence… on their children’s cognitive and socioemotional adjustment” (Crockett et. al., 1993, pg.356). When fathers are willing to help children with homework or are at least there to help, children feel support from their fathers, which can be considered part of presiding.

Fathers are responsible to provide for their families, but in our world today it no longer seems that fathers are the only breadwinners. Women have now started to help their husbands to financially provide. Even though this is sometimes unavoidable, LDS prophets, including Ezra Taft Benson, have reiterated that husbands should be providing: “in a home where there is an able-bodied husband, he is expected to be the breadwinner” and he also stated that when the family just wants extra conveniences that more income can buy, “not only will the family suffer… but your own spiritual growth and progression will be hampered. I say to all of you, the Lord has charged men with the responsibility to provide for their families in such a way that the wife is allowed to fulfill her role as mother in the home” (Benson, 1988, pg. 506-507). This makes it clear that men should fulfill their role as a provider in order to make it possible for women to fulfill their role as nurturers. This shows an equal partnership in marriage.

Now onto mothers. When I think of my mother, I think of a kind, loving person who will love and care for me no matter what I do to disappoint her. She has always been available for me to talk to and magnifies her role as a nurturer. When a mother is truly nurturing her children, she should be “teaching, lifting, encouraging, and rearing her children in righteousness and truth. None other can adequately take her place” (Hinckley, 1996, pg. 67). When I look at that list, I realize that nurturing is a bigger responsibility than I first thought. It includes many things that are small, but extremely time consuming—like teaching your children how to decipher right from wrong or helping them with homework. Research has also shown that mothers talk to their children more about feelings and prosocial behaviors and use more reasoning when talking to children about behaviors (Luster, 2012). Children need to have someone who will take the time and patience to talk through the reasons why they got into trouble or why the choice they made was bad. The role of nurturing encompasses many different things that may seem unimportant or too small to make a difference, but it is the small things that will make a difference in the long run—Just like it says in Alma 37:6 “by small and simple things are great things brought to pass; and small means in many instances doth confound the wise.” Mothers excel in doing the small and simple things that make a big difference in the lives of their children.

Mothers also play a huge role in how their children will develop attachments throughout the rest of their lives. Research has shown that children  who are deprived of maternal care and nurturing for extended amounts of time early in life tend to develop into individuals who “lacked feeling, had superficial relationships, and exhibited hostile or antisocial tendencies” (Kobak, 1999, pg. 23). Since this has been confirmed in studies, it has been concluded that the attachment between a mother and child is of utmost importance for the child’s social-emotional development. So for every woman who is a mother or who will be a mother someday, make sure you are around your children and that you care for their needs from day one.

How will you fulfill your roles as a mother or father?

Read more: http://www.lds.org/liahona/2010/05/mothers-teaching-children-in-the-home

                   http://www.lds.org/general-conference/2004/04/fatherhood-an-eternal-calling?lang=eng

References:

 Benson, E. T. (1988). The teachings of Ezra Taft Benson. Salt Lake City, UT: Bookcraft

Crockett, L. J., Eggebeen, D. J., & Hawkins, A. J. (1993). Father’s presence and young children’s behavioral and cognitive adjustment. Journal of family issues, 14(3), 355-377.

Hinckley, G. B. (1996). Women of the church. Ensign, 26(11), 66-67.

Kobak, R. (1999). The emotional dynamics of disruptions in attachment relationships: Implications for theory, research, and clinical intervention. In J. Cassidy & P.R. Shaver (Eds.), Handbook of attachment (pp. 21-43). New York: Guilford Press.

Luster, S. (2012, June-July) Parenting and Child Guidance 240 classroom lecture notes. Brigham Young University, Provo, UT.