Mom :
“Johnny and James, please come put your toys away.”
James:
“Ok mom. Just a minute.”
Johnny:
“No!! I won’t! I hate cleaning! Why do you always ask me to clean?!”
This
is an example of two different children in the same family. They have the same
parents, but their responses are completely opposite. Why?
Many parents find themselves asking the same question and others
such as “How come my oldest child is kind and obedient and my next child is
naughty and rebellious?” You are seeing firsthand the differences in children’s
temperaments. Some children are moody, some are obedient, some have mental disorders—the
list of differences could go on and on. The fact is your children were born
with different temperaments and because this is so with every child, you need
to tailor your parenting to each individual child’s temperament. As Brigham
Young said, “Bring up your children in the love and fear of the Lord; study
their dispositions and their temperaments, and deal with them accordingly,
never allowing yourself to correct them in the heat of passion; teach them to love
you rather than to fear you” (Young, 1941,pg. 172).
Some of you may be asking yourselves, what is temperament? There are many aspects of temperament and plenty of definitions out there, but one study defined temperament as “individual differences in reactivity to internal and external stimulation, and in patterns of motor and attentional self-regulation” (Sanson and Rothbart, 2002, pg. 2). There are other factors that go into a child’s temperament, including their spirit, genetics, and biology. Since temperament is difficult to define, some child development scholars now classify children’s temperament into three categories, and have a fourth category where the child does not fit into any temperament type. The three types of temperament are: easy, difficult, and slow to warm.
Children
with an easy temperament make up 40 percent of children. If you have a child
with an easy temperament, you will notice they can quickly adapt to routines
and situations and are generally cheerful (Berk, 2009, pg 417). Even though
this is the case, sometimes when a parent has an easy child and then a
difficult one, the easy going child can be neglected since the child is not as
demanding. If you are in this situation, make sure you still pay attention to
your easy going child even if he or she is not screaming for your attention.
Slow to warm
children make up about 15 percent of children. These children are typically
inactive, adjust slowly to new experiences, and sometimes have negative moods
(Berk, 2009, pg. 417). Parents of these children need to be sensitive and
patient with the moods and anxieties of their children. When putting a child in
a new environment, go with them and make sure they are comfortable before you
leave. If your child is going to school for the first time find another child to
carpool with so he or she can make a friend before arriving at school. This
will help your slow to warm child feel more comfortable with the new situation
and he or she will do better.
Of the three
temperaments, having a child with a difficult temperament can be the most frustrating
and it is comforting to know that these children make up a whopping 10 percent of children (Berk, 2009, pg. 417). When dealing
with this temperament, it is helpful to look at Thomas and Chess’s “goodness of
fit model” that says parents need to create “child-rearing environments that
recognize each child’s temperament while encouraging more adaptive functioning”
(Berk, 2009, pg. 423). They also explain that many difficult children “withdraw
from new experiences and react negatively and intensely [and] are at high risk
for later adjustment problems” (Berk, 2009, pg 243). But parents don’t be
discouraged. You can help change these outcomes by having enough money to
support basic needs, being positive and sensitive with your difficult child,
and having a strong marriage (Berk, 2009, pg. 244). Doing these things will
help your child reduce the negative social and behavioral effects of having a
difficult temperament.
About 35
percent of children do not fit into any of these categories. (Berk 2009). These
children can be a mixture of any of the three main temperaments. Even if your
child fits into one of the categories, you should be aware of what temperament
your child has. When you know what temperament your child has, you will be able
to better prepare your child for the future.
Now that you
know the basic temperaments, how are you going to use this knowledge? Hopefully
it will make you aware that each child is different and some children are
easier to raise than others. None of your children will be the same and your
children will all respond differently to the same parenting techniques. Knowing
the basic temperament of your child will give you a basis for understanding how
to parent.
How would you describe your own temperament? How do you think knowing your child’s temperament helps you be a better parent?
References:
Berk, L. E. (2009). Child
development (8 ed.). Boston, MA: Allyn and Bacon
Sanson, A., Rothbart, M. K. (1995). Child temperament and parenting. In
M. H. Bornstein (Ed.), Handbook of
parenting (Vol.4, pp. 299-321). Mahwah, NJ: Erlbaum.
Young, B. (1954). Discourses of
Brigham Young: second president of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day
Saints. Salt Lake City, UT: Deseret Book.
I really like what you said "You need to tailor your parenting to each individual child’s temperament." There are 6 kids in my family and we are all so different. I was an easy-going child, but then as I got older I will have to admit that I became more difficult, as I became older. I was a teenager! But, I feel like mt mom, did the best that she could with me and my other siblings.
ReplyDeleteI also really liked what Thomas and Chess said, “Goodness of fit model” that says parents need to create “child-rearing environments that recognize each child’s temperament while encouraging more adaptive functioning.” I want to be the kind of parent that can raise my children according to their personalities and temperaments. Because I have learned how important it is to be flexible in my parenting styles.
DonnaLin Wood
Interesting thoughts regarding an age-old issue: different temperaments. Having been a father of four different temperaments has expanded my horizons significantly. Interesting that I would get different flavors of all three temperaments listed in your blog - I'm sure you will know who is who... Being a parent and learning to deal with each has helped me understand others and made me a better person. Also, it's fun sometimes to understand how to get each type of personality to respond - Sarah's dad.
ReplyDeleteI would classify myself as a slow to warm temperament. Fortunately my parents were patient with me and did the things you suggested. I remember my dad sitting with me when I began Junior Sunday School and helping me adjust. I also remember family reunions where my parents allowed me to sit by them instead of insisting I join in the kids activities. I was terrified to go play unknown games with strangers. I have also been lucky enough to marry an understanding husband who is patient with me as I learn to warm up to different social situations. I think it is vital as a parent to understand each child's temperament and to parent accordingly. After all, some children absolutely love joining in games at family reunions!
ReplyDeleteI forgot to add: "-Sarah's mom"
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